When Stephanie took over on the night shift, I had former coworkers visiting. Stephanie joined our conversation easily, just like she was our work friend too, which I loved. She left for a short time, and my coworkers and I started telling old work stories, and we were laughing so hard we were crying. Toward the end of their visit, I had such a big laugh that I felt something come out. I had a feeling it was the baby, but I was too overwhelmed to deal with all of it with my friends in the room, so I continued to chat with them for several minutes.

Stephanie came in, so my friends took their cue to leave, and we found out that I indeed delivered my son. Stephanie was exactly what I needed. She explained everything to me and helped me process. I told her later that I was feeling guilty that I didn’t say anything or call anyone in when I felt him come out, and she said, “No, I think that it is beautiful that your baby was born into laughter.” That comment alone dispelled so much guilt that I could have carried the rest of my life and reframed that moment into a beautiful thing. Stephanie encouraged us to give him a gender, as it wasn’t readily apparent, and to name him. We chose M (which means gift of God).

Stephanie, you are so intentional and understanding. Thank you for being exactly what I needed. Losing a baby, especially one that you have to then deliver and then hold their lifeless little body, brings pain that is indescribable and traumatic. What I didn’t expect were the moments of beauty that would shine and continue to envelop the dark experience of losing my child. Thank you for being a part of our experience, Stephanie. Your time with us was a gift from God, and we will always remember you.