August 2026 Honoree
ICU/High Acuity Team Memorial North
Jessica Hayek RN, Timothy Kim RN, Hannah Lane RN, Austin Holler RN, Bri Bosch RN, (Asher) Tyler Smoote PCA, Veltra Duran-Charge RN, Victor Barajas RN, Armando Ramirez PCA, Brian Loseke ACP, Melissa McBride Charge RN, Nakiya Gomez PCA, Dr. Evisizer, Nikole Marvin Chaplain M.Div
Dear Jess, Tim, Hannah, Kareem, Austin, Bri, Noodle, Asher, Veltra, Victor, David, Armando, Brian, Melissa, Nakiya, Dr. Evilsizer, Chaplain Nikole, and many others whose names I don't recall.
You all cared for me in the Memorial North ICU from May 8-15. I was deathly ill due to an intentional overdose, along with severe compression wounds. You saved my life, and I am profoundly grateful to each of you. This simple letter is woefully insufficient to convey the depth of my gratitude, yet it's the best I have to offer.
As injured and sick as I was physically, I was equally damaged psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Your medical expertise enabled me to heal physically, while your grace and kindness somehow sparked the beginning of mental, emotional, and spiritual recovery. I can't explain it, yet I humbly accept it and will forever be in your debt.
My behavior, words, and actions the first few days after regaining consciousness were despicable, ranging from utter confusion and denial to insane ramblings to toddler-like misbehavior and worse. I was in an unfathomably dark and dysfunctional place. Yet you all treated me with kindness, grace, and professionalism.
At some point during my recovery in the ICU, something started to change in me. It was the beginning of coming back to life. I suspect a higher power worked through each of you, using your unique skills and traits to somehow spark the small remaining part of me that still chose Life and not just physical life. I believe a large (and very dark) part of me did, in fact, die as a result of my attempted suicide. It was a maladaptive part of me that had been festering and growing for over a decade, culminating in the unfathomable act of suicide. Miraculously, that darkness died while under your gracious care and treatment.
I don't know what the future holds for me. Physically, my recovery has been remarkable. Yet I'm struggling mightily with severe pain and disability in my hands due to nerve damage. And last week I was diagnosed with bladder cancer. The prior me would be crippled with anxiety, drowning himself in alcohol and curled up in isolation. But somehow the me of today is at peace with all of it. I'm optimistic that surgeries and other treatments will help restore my health. And at least at this moment, I've surrendered to the same higher power that worked through all of you to save me. I ask that higher power to help me find a way to assist in healing the horrendous damage I caused to those closest to me and many others, and also that (s)he works through me to become a positive (perhaps even saving?) influence in this world.
If you're still reading, here are just a few of the special people and moments that I recall with fondness and gratitude:
Jess – the amazing nurse with bright blue eyes to match your beautiful soul. You were so open, honest, and vulnerable with me, sharing your own grief about losing your father too soon. You always spoke your authentic truth to me. You looked through my darkness; you prayed for me; you pleaded with me; you shook the shit out of me; you helped me begin to glimpse the many blessings in my life. (Also, you impressed the hell out of my kids!). I don't recall why you want to move to Houston, but MD Anderson would be lucky to have you.
Tim – you were so caring, patient, and ever-present when I first regained consciousness, didn't know where I was, didn't remember I had tried to take my life, was lost, confused, and frightened. You were such a calming and consistent presence, not just for me, but for my relieved yet still traumatized and grieving family.
Victor – you were so patient with me when all I could talk about was how to end my life. And you championed me by fighting with the docs to give me some medication to help me calm down and sleep after several days of wide-awake panic and delusion. Thank you, my friend.
Armando – for a small guy like me, you have amazing strength and would just lift me up in bed! We spent several all-nighters talking about every aspect of life, from simple to philosophical. You listened to my stories and shared your own. You are so grounded and wise for such a young man. I know you have a bright future as you finish your degree to become an expert in anesthesiology and perhaps build a family with your girlfriend.
Dr. Evilsizer – you repeatedly reassured me I was not a horrible person despite me repeatedly saying, believing, and behaving as I was. You visited me and encouraged me daily. You oversaw my care with wisdom and grace. You're one of the good guys in a very challenging profession.
To Chaplain Nikole – I bared my soul to you, and you received me with unconditional grace and understanding. Thank you for your guidance and loving example.
To all of you – I can never repay you for the gift of Life. I'll never forget you.
You all cared for me in the Memorial North ICU from May 8-15. I was deathly ill due to an intentional overdose, along with severe compression wounds. You saved my life, and I am profoundly grateful to each of you. This simple letter is woefully insufficient to convey the depth of my gratitude, yet it's the best I have to offer.
As injured and sick as I was physically, I was equally damaged psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. Your medical expertise enabled me to heal physically, while your grace and kindness somehow sparked the beginning of mental, emotional, and spiritual recovery. I can't explain it, yet I humbly accept it and will forever be in your debt.
My behavior, words, and actions the first few days after regaining consciousness were despicable, ranging from utter confusion and denial to insane ramblings to toddler-like misbehavior and worse. I was in an unfathomably dark and dysfunctional place. Yet you all treated me with kindness, grace, and professionalism.
At some point during my recovery in the ICU, something started to change in me. It was the beginning of coming back to life. I suspect a higher power worked through each of you, using your unique skills and traits to somehow spark the small remaining part of me that still chose Life and not just physical life. I believe a large (and very dark) part of me did, in fact, die as a result of my attempted suicide. It was a maladaptive part of me that had been festering and growing for over a decade, culminating in the unfathomable act of suicide. Miraculously, that darkness died while under your gracious care and treatment.
I don't know what the future holds for me. Physically, my recovery has been remarkable. Yet I'm struggling mightily with severe pain and disability in my hands due to nerve damage. And last week I was diagnosed with bladder cancer. The prior me would be crippled with anxiety, drowning himself in alcohol and curled up in isolation. But somehow the me of today is at peace with all of it. I'm optimistic that surgeries and other treatments will help restore my health. And at least at this moment, I've surrendered to the same higher power that worked through all of you to save me. I ask that higher power to help me find a way to assist in healing the horrendous damage I caused to those closest to me and many others, and also that (s)he works through me to become a positive (perhaps even saving?) influence in this world.
If you're still reading, here are just a few of the special people and moments that I recall with fondness and gratitude:
Jess – the amazing nurse with bright blue eyes to match your beautiful soul. You were so open, honest, and vulnerable with me, sharing your own grief about losing your father too soon. You always spoke your authentic truth to me. You looked through my darkness; you prayed for me; you pleaded with me; you shook the shit out of me; you helped me begin to glimpse the many blessings in my life. (Also, you impressed the hell out of my kids!). I don't recall why you want to move to Houston, but MD Anderson would be lucky to have you.
Tim – you were so caring, patient, and ever-present when I first regained consciousness, didn't know where I was, didn't remember I had tried to take my life, was lost, confused, and frightened. You were such a calming and consistent presence, not just for me, but for my relieved yet still traumatized and grieving family.
Victor – you were so patient with me when all I could talk about was how to end my life. And you championed me by fighting with the docs to give me some medication to help me calm down and sleep after several days of wide-awake panic and delusion. Thank you, my friend.
Armando – for a small guy like me, you have amazing strength and would just lift me up in bed! We spent several all-nighters talking about every aspect of life, from simple to philosophical. You listened to my stories and shared your own. You are so grounded and wise for such a young man. I know you have a bright future as you finish your degree to become an expert in anesthesiology and perhaps build a family with your girlfriend.
Dr. Evilsizer – you repeatedly reassured me I was not a horrible person despite me repeatedly saying, believing, and behaving as I was. You visited me and encouraged me daily. You oversaw my care with wisdom and grace. You're one of the good guys in a very challenging profession.
To Chaplain Nikole – I bared my soul to you, and you received me with unconditional grace and understanding. Thank you for your guidance and loving example.
To all of you – I can never repay you for the gift of Life. I'll never forget you.
Thank you for your exceptional compassion, advocacy, and dedication to your patients. You truly make a difference.
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