Words cannot describe how much the team on the 4th floor at SJO means to me. I truly owe them my life. It's hard to even type this without crying. 

Phew! What a day. Not only was it the day that our miracle son was born via unplanned C-section, but it was also the day that I had a massive hemorrhage a few hours after our delivery and lost over half my blood volume. The day I truly—and not exaggerating, as you can ask anyone who was in that room that day—the day I almost died.

The hemorrhage is still fuzzy in my mind. Heck, the three days before the hemorrhage are fuzzy in my mind, considering I labored during them and then finally had to have a C-section. I was utterly exhausted and sleep-deprived by the time we had a C-section, but also so thankful for modern medicine because my baby was not coming out any other way.

I remember a few hours after delivery, I had snuggled my precious baby, I had talked about the grueling three days of labor before the C-section with my husband and best friend who were in the room, and I was still soaking in all that had happened.

All of a sudden, the color started to wash away from my vision, everyone in the room looked fuzzy, and I felt absolutely awful. I told my nurse how I felt and honestly shrugged myself off and thought, "You are just exhausted from the last three days." My nurse promptly checked my bleeding, and I could tell by the pause in her voice that there was a lot of blood beneath the blanket when she pulled it back. I could not feel anything because I was still numb from my C-section, so I just felt completely unaware... until it was told to me I was hemorrhaging.

The first spurt of my hemorrhage, I would say, was fairly uneventful compared to later. We weighed what was bloody from this first spurt, they gave me some hemorrhage meds, the bleeding slowed, and then we carried on. This "spurt," as I call it, I remember when they weighed it, it was 1500 mLs.

A couple of minutes later, I started to have that same washed-out vision. By this time, it was shift change. I asked my new night nurse then if she would check my bleeding because I felt like something was just not right. She pulled back the blanket. I asked her how my bleeding was, and I could tell she was trying not to alarm me.

She quickly got help, and soon my room flooded with nurses who were about to leave shift but came to help, and the new night shift nurses that had come on entered my room as well.

The rest is so fuzzy in my memory, but I remember feeling this weight on me and this undeniable urge to fall asleep. I was terrified to fall asleep because I didn't think I was going to wake up. I remember forcing every blink and trying with all my energy to keep my eyes open.

The worst part was that I'm a nurse, and I knew what was happening. I wish I could have been clueless about how bad it was. I remember telling them, "I need blood," "I need (insert hemorrhage medication)," "My blood pressure is really low." To which the team would reply, "We know, we are working on it," among other things.

To be honest, the "helping" I thought I was doing to save myself is probably what kept me awake, although it probably drove the team crazy.

I remember my doctor coming in in her gym clothes. She had left straight from the gym and had come to save my life. I remember being hooked up to the LifePak and the anesthesiologist saying, "Her blood pressure is 70s/40s and her heart rate is in an irregular rhythm." I remember thinking in my head, "He thinks I'm going to code, and he just isn't saying it."

I remember him putting in the central line in my neck, and one of the nurses being under the drape with me to "keep me awake," I heard them say. I can't remember a thing she said to me under the drape while he put in the central line, but I do remember her voice, and I tried to remember to just keep blinking. I was so tired, I couldn't even explain it.

I didn't even have the energy to pray for God to spare me right now so I could be there for my newborn son and my husband. I learned later that everybody in this room was praying over me, and I know God heard their prayers.

My second hemorrhage spurt started around 1830, and I was finally stabilized a couple of hours later after lots of hemorrhage meds, bags of fluid, four units of blood, two units of FFP, and a Jada was placed. Total blood loss was estimated to be around 3400 mLs by the end.

I was told later that the day shift nurses who stayed did not leave until 11 p.m., and the nurse manager had come in from home to even help. I know there was so much more that happened in this hemorrhage as I was in and out of consciousness, but honestly, thank goodness most of it is a blur in my memory.

What I do remember, though, without a doubt, is that each person in that room is responsible for me being here today and deserves a DAISY Award. Whether it was advocating for me, praying for me, getting me blood, getting me hemorrhage meds, giving orders, getting IV access, placing the Jada, or giving me fluids... they and Jesus truly saved my life.

I know wI plan to tell this story as long as I live, and I truly am so grateful. I look at life differently now for sure, andhat a privilege it is to be here. I know I'm truly lucky to be alive.

Thank you, SJO. Love you, guys.