...How do you honor a nurse who has helped you to say hello and goodbye to your daughter all in the same moment? Nothing seems like enough, no amount of recognition could truly express my gratitude.
As I sit here writing this to you it has been 6 months since the birth and death of my dear sweet baby. A completely unexpected and to this day unexplainable loss. In so many ways it feels like yesterday, and in many regards it feels like it was a lifetime ago. A wise women once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" Maya Angelou. And this could not be more true of Tina. In many ways that day is crystal clear, but in others it is a total blur. But I without a doubt will never forget the way that she made me feel that day.
I will forever be grateful for the gentleness and care that she took not only of my broken heart, and my physical body, but that of my baby. In those dark moments, when I thought the world had stopped spinning, she helped my husband and me to create such beautiful memories. I will never forget the great care and gentleness she had in giving my daughter her first and last bath. I remember standing there; hovering over her lifeless body thinking she is already gone this doesn't even matter. But looking back on it today, it does, it matters so much to me. I am so grateful for these memories. I am so thankful for the strength that she had that day; I know it's not easy to care for a grieving mother and father. I know because as a nurse, I've done it once or twice before. In so many ways Tina gave me strength that day. The strength to make memories the strength to leave the hospital with empty arms.
In many ways I wonder where I would be today if I had not had the experience I did with Tina. If I did not have those bittersweet memories; if I had not received the compassion, the gentleness, the kindness.
It's in those bad days that define the type of nurse you are. Those triumphs in spite of tragedy are what should be honored and celebrated.